Bikini Girls on Ice DVD

Sunday, 04 July 2010 13:31

The title of this movie could easily be misconstrued as something cheeky to do with skating. The ice in question is, however, used by a boiler-suited freak to keep his dead or stunned victims from going ripe or escaping. As you would guess from the other half of the title, the majority of his prey are skimpily-clad young ladies.

Said bus-load of ladies happen to roll up at a seemingly abandoned, rundown gas station, on the way to a fund-raising bikini carwash at the beach. Their bus has broken down, leaving them temporarily stranded. By day, they opt to wash some cars to pass the time. By night, they get slaughtered one by one by Moe, the aforementioned demented mechanic who evidently ran out of Head and Shoulders a long time ago!

Bikini Girls on Ice - The DVDIf retro, thinly-plotted horror movies with extra-dumb characters are your cup of tea, you will probably enjoy this uncomplicated slasher from director Geoff Klein. The dozen or so girls are easy on the eye, the acting is passable and the production values are reasonable. The gore is plentiful and fairly convincing, and there are a few good jump-shocks and tense moments that will have you on the edge of your sofa.

Now the bad news: the movie’s old-school approach is also its curse. For the first fifty or so minutes, the procession of predictable deaths becomes increasingly tiresome and frustrating. A girl wanders away from the group. She hears a noise. She dies horribly without putting up any kind of fight. Rinse and repeat.

It is only during the final 25 minutes that things get mixed up a bit, and the last few remaining characters actually realise what is going on and try to escape. At this point the tension really kicks in and the movie grabs you by the throat, but it is sadly almost too late.

The central bad guy, Moe (played by William Jarand), is also as generic as you can possibly get, and has no identity of his own at all to separate him from the rest of the horror genre’s nutters. He is not completely ineffective though and proves to be alarmingly resilient, but his stomping about, heavy breathing and perverted cackling do not shock anywhere near as much as they might.

Obviously it must be pretty difficult to come up with something original in this hotly contested field, but there is no evidence of creative thought in this movie. Ultimately we are left with a competent if depressingly familiar popcorn film, with characters we simply do not care enough about.

“Bikini Girls on Ice” (2009) is out now on DVD, courtesy of Kaleidoscope Home Entertainment. The retail disc apparently includes a number of special features such as a commentary track, a behind the scenes featurette and a blooper reel, but these were unavailable at the time of the review. The running time of the main feature is 82 minutes approx., certificate ‘18’ and the disc retails for £12.99 or less from

Last modified on Thursday, 10 May 2012 16:37

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