Life Blood on DVD

Monday, 11 October 2010 06:55

On New Year’s Eve, 1969, a sexy lesbian couple take a break from driving through the American desert and get attacked by a strange swirling cloud of energy. Brooke (Sophie Monk – “The Hills Run Red”, Entourage) is killed instantly; Rhea (Anya Lahiri – Keen Eddie) is spared and given a mission by God (Angela Lindvall – “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang”). She becomes a vampiric angel of death tasked with eradicating evil from the planet.

Rhea agrees on one condition, that Brooke is also brought back as a vampire, even though she has just killed a jerk in a bloody frenzy. God agrees, but warns Rhea that they must only use their powers to fight malevolence. Fast forwards to 31 December 2009, and the two undead ladies burst forth from cocoons. Brooke cannot resist her new-found urges and goes on a killing spree, forcing Rhea to confront her head-on.

Life Blood comes to DVDThis movie sets out its stall very early on, with the two leads snogging at a party and wearing very skimpy outfits. Writer/director Ron Carlson obviously wishes to portray them as sassy, ass-kicking foxes, and admittedly they are attractive. Unfortunately they are given shamefully bad dialog and paper-thin characters to work with, and regrettably spend most of the time pouting and bickering rather than injecting the film with some vitality.

Once they have become vampires, Brooke takes on the role of a seductive, blood-thirsty bitch, and Rhea is reduced to a wet lettuce leaf rather than a righteous instrument of the Lord. This imbalance causes the film to effectively become a one-woman show, and it gets tiresome very quickly. The supporting cast does an okay job, but is essentially required to step up one by one onto a conveyor belt leading straight to pointy ends of Brooke’s fangs.

Patrick Renna (The X Files, Boston Legal) is fairly believable as Dan the petrol station attendant, Danny Woodburn (Charmed, Early Edition) raises an occasional smile as the diminutive Deputy Felix, and Charles Napier (“The Silence of the Lambs”, “Maniac Cop 2”) plays his standard grizzled law man as Sheriff Tillman, a red neck chauvinist par excellence.

Ultimately the movie is too predictable, too clichéd and too lifeless to grab your attention. The concept itself has potential but not without widening the scope and adding more than a couple of layers to the characters. As it stands, the story barely has a chance to get out of the blocks. The music, characters and setting feel like they are trying to mirror Tarantino’s “From Dusk Till Dawn” but come up woefully short.

The special features on the disc are a trailer and nine deleted or extended scenes, including a really lame alternate opening credits sequence showing very brief flashes of a couple of naked ladies making out. At least Carlson shows an ounce of restraint in keeping that out of the main feature!

“Life Blood” (2009) is out now on DVD, courtesy of Chelsea. The running time of the main feature is 85 minutes approx, certificate ‘18’ and the movie retails for £12.99, or less from www.culttvstore.com

Last modified on Thursday, 10 May 2012 16:37

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